The 2004 Ann B. Davis #9 popular culture tournament was held on the cryogenically preserved Central Campus of the University of Michigan. 21 teams from 14 different entities competed in a split round-robin with the top three from each group heading on to single elimination playoffs. Partially avenging their playoff loss from the previous year and despite their difficulty with the alphabet, Win a Gerbil with Tad Hamilton! defeated Glen or Glenda Campbell in the finals. Prizes included accidental book club purchases, Aeroflot inflight magazines and direct-to-video masterpieces.
STANDINGS (Click on division name to get detailed stats from SQBS)
| Biased Liberal Media | W | L | Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy | W | L |
| Glen or Glenda Campbell | 9 | 0 | Win a Gerbil with Tad Hamilton! | 10 | 0 |
| AquaScum 2K4 | 8 | 1 | O Brothers, Where Art Thou? | 8 | 2 |
| Gigner Rochester | 7 | 2 | Northwestern A | 7 | 3 |
| Hooked on Phonics...and Crack | 6 | 3 | Shelby Foote Soldiers | 6 | 4 |
| Are You There Pitt? It's Me, Margaret | 5 | 4 | Offensive Remark #49: The One About Kobe Bryant | 6 | 4 |
| Off-Colour Remark #352: The One About Your School | 4 | 5 | Vomiting Dugongs | 5 | 5 |
| Scary Rochester | 3 | 6 | G-Town Smackdown | 4 | 6 |
| Northwestern B | 2 | 7 | Indecipherable Grunting | 4 | 6 |
| Iowa Thundering Heard | 1 | 8 | Children of a Lesser Pitt | 3 | 7 |
| Baby Rochester | 0 | 9 | Sporty Rochester | 2 | 8 |
| Posh Rochester | 0 | 10 |
PLACEMENT GAMES
7th: Hooked on Phonics...and Crack 235, Shelby Foote Soldiers 215
9th: Offensive Remark #49: The One About Kobe Bryant 240, Are You There Pitt? It's Me, Margaret 180
11th: Off-Colour Remark #352: The One About Your School 186, Vomiting Dugongs 110
13th: G-Town Smackdown 101, Scary Rochester 60
15th: Northwestern B 121, Indecipherable Grunting 96
17th: Children of a Lesser Pitt 151, Iowa Thundering Heard 20
19th: Sporty Rochester 86, Baby Rochester 35
QUARTERFINAL PLAYOFF GAMES
O Brothers, Where Art Thou? 180, Ginger Rochester 140
Northwestern A 345, AquaScum 2K4 175
SEMIFINAL PLAYOFF GAMES
Glen or Glenda Campbell 395, O Brothers, Where Art Thou? 77
Win a Gerbil with Tad Hamilton! 473, Northwestern A 145
FINALS -- Win a Gerbil with Tad Hamilton! 429, Glen or Glenda Campbell 215
Win a Gerbil with Tad Hamilton 189 135 105 -- 429 Glen or Glenda Campbell 35 60 120 -- 215 Gerbils +15 +10 -5 Campbell +15 +10 -5 Dwight 1 4 1 Jeremy 0 1 0 Kenny 1 3 0 James 0 4 1 Sarah 1 1 0 Jason 0 0 0 Mark 0 3 0 Keith 0 1 0 JACKPOT POINTS: Gerbil 10 BONUS CONVERSION: Gerbil 269/14=19.21, Campbell 160/6=26.67 LAMES: Campbell (recent bestsellers), not picked up
PACKET STATS (Arranged from easiest to hardest)
| Packet | +15 | +10 | -5 | TU x 2 | %TU answered | Jackpot | Bonus | BP/TU | Exp Pts/TUH | Pts/TUH | Difference |
| Iowa Thundering/G-Town | 11 | 76 | 9 | 210 | 82.86 | 70 | 1490 | 17.13 | 9.16 | 11.62 | 2.46 |
| UWO A/B | 26 | 123 | 28 | 336 | 88.69 | 80 | 2571 | 17.26 | 10.25 | 12.29 | 2.04 |
| Rochester 2 | 21 | 99 | 16 | 252 | 95.24 | 10 | 1900 | 15.97 | 11.64 | 12.44 | 0.8 |
| NW B/CMU | 29 | 122 | 18 | 380 | 79.47 | 130 | 2385 | 15.9 | 10.2 | 10.74 | 0.53 |
| Pitt | 5 | 137 | 17 | 378 | 75.13 | 150 | 2364 | 16.65 | 9.84 | 10.25 | 0.41 |
| Rochester 1 | 8 | 112 | 23 | 336 | 71.43 | 10 | 2216 | 18.47 | 9.86 | 9.97 | 0.11 |
| AquaScum | 6 | 129 | 20 | 378 | 71.43 | 210 | 2081 | 15.41 | 9.51 | 9.45 | -0.07 |
| GG Campbell | 6 | 146 | 20 | 378 | 80.42 | 40 | 1955 | 12.86 | 9.27 | 9.11 | -0.16 |
| O Brothers | 17 | 118 | 30 | 378 | 71.43 | 140 | 2151 | 15.93 | 9.99 | 9.46 | -0.53 |
| Vomiting | 6 | 127 | 21 | 378 | 70.37 | 120 | 1751 | 13.17 | 9.05 | 8.27 | -0.78 |
| Gerbil | 8 | 130 | 27 | 420 | 65.71 | 110 | 2130 | 15.43 | 9.28 | 8.39 | -0.88 |
| Vomiting | 11 | 124 | 24 | 378 | 71.43 | 80 | 2187 | 16.2 | 10.34 | 9.4 | -0.95 |
| Shelby | 2 | 31 | 4 | 126 | 52.38 | 100 | 332 | 10.06 | 7.05 | 5.97 | -1.08 |
| Hooked On | 9 | 62 | 21 | 210 | 67.62 | 130 | 944 | 13.3 | 10.58 | 8.21 | -2.37 |
| Finals | 3 | 17 | 2 | 42 | 95.24 | 10 | 429 | 21.45 | 18.6 | 15.33 | -3.27 |
| Northwestern A | 3 | 49 | 7 | 126 | 82.54 | 30 | 760 | 14.62 | 13.64 | 10.24 | -3.4 |
| Key: BP/TU=Bonus Points per Tossups Heard, Pts/TUH=Total Points per Tossups Heard, Exp Pts/TUH=Expected Points per Tossup Heard (based on stats of teams that heard the packet) | |||||||||||